he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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