on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
where are my eyebrows?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
