i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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