What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
