i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
