I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
