I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
