I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
