Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important