i jhust puked up my retainher.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
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i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
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I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.