1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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