coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
