My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
