The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
