I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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