He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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