these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize