wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You can't just leave with hair like that
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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