just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
