This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
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They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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