I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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