He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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