First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
