6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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