One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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