wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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