I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
