my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
