Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
