Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
