I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
