sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize