The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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