Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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