the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
