Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
