My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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