Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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