Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
