how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Randomize
