i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
