Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
