their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
