If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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