There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
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His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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