he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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