do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
