Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
