why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
