Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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