did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
