I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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