If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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