hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
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dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
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I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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