It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
