She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
