did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
