had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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