When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
