the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
