you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
