I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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